Don't have time to date?
Turning dating drain to a growth game, and what the COI (cost of inaction) has to do with it.
As entrepreneurs, we’re often focused on how to do more with less, producing results, and staying on top of our ever-evolving to-dos. Time is our most valuable asset, and every minute seems to count toward company stabilization and growth.
We often put dating on hold, believing that time spent dating takes away from high performance. It’s understandable to feel that way…. but what if dating could actually enhance our productivity and success?
What if it’s not a distraction, but an accelerant?
Return on Investment (ROI)
When you invest time in dating, you’re not just investing in someone else—you’re investing in yourself. It’s not just about finding a partner; it’s an avenue for personal growth and life balance (which lead to * even better * business results). If you’re not naturally excited about investing your time in this way, you might be leaving opportunities on the table…
Return #1: Unplugging can improve your performance
In Relax and Win, authored by a coach to Olympic athletes, Bud Winter shares about the role rest plays to achieve success. The secret? Maintain your output at 80% energy and don’t max yourself out — if — you want Olympic level results. Rest periods help boost creativity, improve decision-making, and restore energy, all of which lead to better productivity.
The Flow Genome team released a training on how to get a month’s worth of results in a day. While the byproduct of testing their method resulted in my ability to launch my website, free tools/template downloads, and this substack over a couple weekends, it also gave me a game-changing takeaway: it is imperative to reduce your cognitive load during breaks. Meaning, while we may feel productive by sneaking in strategic content in between “working” blocks — our brain doesn’t catch a break, which can lead to burnout.
Return #3: Dating can help us build skills
The very act of saving space on our calendars for dates begins a chain reaction that can improve our relationship with time:
Have you heard of “Pareto’s 80/20 principle”? 80 percent of our results come from 20 percent of our actions.
Have you heard of "Parkinson's Law"? Work tends to fill the time available for its completion, meaning people often take longer to complete a task if they have a longer deadline, and vice versa.
Why is this relevant? When you combine the two and ask yourself: if you only have X amount of time to do the most important things this week, what actions would lead to the most impact (Pareto), and how would you accomplish them within the amount of time you have (Parkinson)?
TLDR; saving a window for dating on your calendar inspires higher quality discernment
Improved communication – Dating helps refine your ability to express your thoughts and listen actively, which is a transferable skill to many relationships - from team to customers.
Emotional intelligence – Understanding emotions (yours and others’) improves your ability to read situations, build empathy, and make better decisions under pressure.
Conflict resolution – Dating helps you develop the ability to manage differences and resolve conflicts in a productive, respectful way.
Building resilience – Learning to navigate ups and downs in dating will increase your self trust and enhance your ability to bounce back from setbacks in other areas of life.
Return #3: Date activities themselves can get us closer to where we want to be. And yet, picking what to do is one of the reasons some people struggle with it… the “what do we do?” loop. Here’s a different way to think about it:
Want to… be a better presenter? Look up local drop-in improv classes, adopt a beginner’s mindset, and prepare to get a liiiittle uncomfortable… improv is basically an imagination dojo that helps us embrace imperfection.
Want to… learn how to ask better questions? Head to a restaurant with your date, sit at the bar, and ask strangers to tell you their story. Practice active listening, stay curious, and take turns asking follow up questions to tease out the details.
Want to learn how to ask better questions… and one of you are introverted? Order a conversation starter card deck, pour some tea, and notice what type of questions lead to the best moments of the night.
I could go on, but I think you get the point.
Return #4: A gentle reminder that we are not (just) our business.
I think most of us feel our work is an extension of our identity — and at least a fraction of what we value deeply. But what about the parts of us that aren’t expressed on a daily basis?
What activities did you used to enjoy that you no longer make time for?
What experiences would feel like an exhale? What would be a thrill?
What have you been interested in trying that you keep postponing?
Not only can dates break the script of our usual week and be a restorative experience, they can bring life to our lives. Have you ever looked up from your computer and wondered where the past quarter has gone?
As it turns out, having novel experiences gives us the feeling that time has expanded - not shrunk. Fancy that.
COI (the Cost of Inaction)
While ROI may have been one of the first concepts we learn in business, the “cost of inaction” is equally powerful. COI considers what happens if you DON’T take an action - which is relevant as we talk about how we evaluate what is, or isn’t, urgent.
So, what’s the cost if we DON’T make time to date?
Last night I was in a Lyft with a new girlfriend — who happens to be a *complete* catch — and she told me she has ended newer connections with more than one entrepreneur because, while they were clearly intelligent, they lacked some social skills that caused her to question their compatibility.
When we don’t develop our relational skills proactively, we risk not being ready to give or receive the kind of love that lasts. Deprioritizing dating now could leave us unprepared to navigate the complexities of a relationship when we do meet someone we’d like to build a life with.
Feel like you manage your social scene just fine? Spending time with someone new can reflect parts of us that we don’t always see ourselves, increasing self awareness and creating opportunities to develop as leaders. Without seeking the direct and indirect feedback available through date nights, we miss out on some really helpful mirrors.
Let’s make this practical :)
While it’s important to see dating as an investment, it’s also key to optimize your approach to it.
Block your calendar: Treat dating as a goal. Schedule time for it and be present when you do meet new people.
Quality, not quantity: Prioritize quality connections, focusing on people who share your values and interests.
Suggest intentional activities: Consider for yourself: what parts of you have you not made time for (the artist/creative/adventurer/athlete) recently? What do you want to feel more of? What skills are you wanting to build? What would help you unwind? Invite that type of experience for your next date.
Leverage: If you’re using dating apps, streamline your search by being candid about your vision for life and values to prioritize alignment over amount of matches. If you’re disenchanted with swiping, consider a matchmaker — join their matching database, or become a client for a done-for-you search to reclaim your time.
Communicate Openly: Be upfront about your schedule, and establish clear expectations from the start to make it easier to balance your work and dating life without stress.
In the long run, pushing your personal life to the back burner may come with more costs than benefits. Ditch the mindset that dating is a diversion and adopt it as a strategic investment in becoming an emotionally intelligent and balanced individual—qualities that will serve you in both love and business.
And of course, if you’re interested in an accomplice for date ideas, you’re welcome to check out our done-for-you Datrix by joining our monthly subscription (which also includes one live group call a month geared toward designing dates for special occasions).